"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings"
"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."
"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."
"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
"Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge"
"Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
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